John McCain Needs My Help

A few weeks ago, I was coerced into signing up for the McCain campaign’s mailing list in order to make my own Joe the Plumber rally sign:

Totally worth it. But ever since then, I’ve been forced to experience the unexpected terror of receiving periodic emails from John McCain and Sarah Palin. Today, I’ve already received three, the last of which contained the following:

It almost made me feel bad for them. Until I scrolled farther down the page and realized that they were actually sending out voter’s names and telephone numbers to who knows how many strangers. And not just normal strangers, but strangers like me!

Still, I decided that such a personal plea for help couldn’t go unassisted. After all, the hallmark of democracy is the idea of equality, and what kind of citizen would I be if I staunchly supported one candidate without at least lending the smallest helping hand to the other?

So I picked up the phone, scanned the list, and made some calls. Collect calls. Apparently they didn’t share my views on the importance of democracy, because even thought I tried to read them my prepared speech, none of them accepted the charges. Commie bastards.

(This post is part of a multi-part series aimed at helping distract me from the stress of election day, though this particular post fails in that regard.)