Note To Jesse: Just Because The Polls Have Closed Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Voted Off

Reportedly the reason for the break-up is that Deana is a stupid whore who wouldn’t recognize true love if it was standing right in front of her – unless it was taking her picture, in which case she would put on a bikini and smile like it was raining kittens.

Or maybe it was because when Jesse was asked by Extra if he would like to send a message to DeAnna via the show, he tearfully said, "I guess I would say I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you not want to be with me,” at which point DeAnna shook her head and said to herself, “I always thought that extra hole of his was a vagina . . .”

Either way, I’m really surprised that these reality TV weddings don’t pan out. I always thought that once you bang a girl on national TV she’s yours forever. But I guess our modern society has progressed past that quaint notion already.

(This post is part of a multi-part series aimed at helping distract me from the stress of election day. Rest assured, Jesse: Your heart has not been broken in vain.)